Dancing With the Stars recap: Season 24, Episode 6

You had me at “Everybody,” Dancing With the Stars. And then you had me again with Maks and his bandana in the artwork for TLC’s CrazySexyCool album. And then once more when you told me Nick Carter would be filling in for Julianne at the judges’ table. So, yes, “Boy Bands vs. Girl Groups” is the Dancing With the Stars evening plucked from my dreams. I said it before and I’ll say it again: My dreams are weird. Move on.

Speaking of moving, welcome to the portion of the season in which our celebs have to learn more than just one dance. In addition to the individual routines to a favorite boy band or girl group song, we get a team dance round. It’s a battle of the sexes! Not for nothing, but the girls are stacked this season. So, this should be fun! Now, strike your best boy band pose (my favorite: crouching while pointing) and let’s get this party started.

Simone Biles and Sasha Farber
Samba, “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child
“Is the samba sexy?” our innocent little gymnast inquires of her partner, Sasha “Sexy Is Stretching It” Farber. Oh, Simone. Sweet, naive Simone. Apparently, she’s been too busy eating yogurt and sushi and not knowing if she is on a date to learn about the soul of the samba. Nailing the steps of a routine will never be Simone’s problem, but I’m still having trouble connecting to her on an emotional level. Here she’s supposed to be sexy and empowering, but she has the gymnast smile going throughout. Oh well. The judges seem to buy it, and also Sasha is wearing gold jeans. There’s something there for everyone, I guess.
Judges’ Score: 35/40

Bonner Bolton and Sharna Burgess
Rumba, “I Want It That Way” by Backstreet Boys
Talk about pressure! Bonner has to dance a rumba to a Backstreet Boys song with Nick Carter, his current partner’s old partner, sitting at the judges’ table. Bonner ain’t afraid of no Backstreet Boy! He’s just trying to have fun and not focus on the fact that he believes he’s the worst dancer in the competition. It’s a little harsh. The judges are happy to see that Bonner and Sharna have taken their criticisms to heart and added some dynamic to the routine. There’s not as much fluidity to his movement as the rumba calls for, but he does sneak some good lines in there. Not his best, not his worst. Now, let’s hear a little more about how proud Nick is of Sharna. Aww.
Judges’ Score: 30/40

Nancy Kerrigan and Artem Chigvintsev
Paso Doblé, “Free Your Mind” by En Vogue
Much like retiring an athlete’s jersey in professional sports, DWTS really needs to retire certain numbers from the show once they’ve become stuff of ballroom legend. Case in point: No one, NO ONE will do a paso to En Vogue’s “Free Your Mind” like Mel B and Maks did in season 5. It was perfection, and even Nancy Kerrigan knows it. She and Artem put forth a valiant effort, and it does give us both Nancy Kerrigan in a cage and Len Goodman saying, “Too long in the cage,” which makes me laugh for some reason — so not all is lost. But still, if you don’t have the confidence of Mel B going into this routine, you’ve lost before you’ve even started.
Judges’ Score: 33/40

Nick Viall and Peta Murgatroyd
Jive, “Fun, Fun, Fun” by The Beach Boys
Nick here is excited to learn the jive for all of about ten seconds. Then he realizes that it is a bear of a dance style. So fast! So many kicks! Even more flicks! Peta tells him that this competition is all about personality and “the journey.” It sounds a lot like The Bachelor, no? I mean, it did take him four times to conquer that show, so maybe we shouldn’t draw comparisons. Alas, no matter how pink and lovely Peta’s ruffled bathing suit may be, it does not mask the lack of control Nick has over his feet. He mainly looks like he wants it to be over as soon as it starts. Again, much like The Bachelor.
Judges’ Score: 28/40

Normani Kordei and Valentin Chmerkovskiy
Salsa, “When I Grow Up” by The Pussycat Dolls
Oh, so this is what you do while walking past a construction site? I’ve been doing it all wrong! Normani and Val give us a very hip-hop heavy salsa routine that tells the story of a regular girl walking through the city who wins over her local construction workers with a lot of hip action and booty drops. Carrie Ann, Bruno, and Nick go crazy for an extremely well-executed number. Normani hits every single move. However, Grumpy Len is right on this one: There was little salsa content to be found. Construction workers can still be swayed by traditional salsa steps!
Judges’ Score: 38/40

David Ross and Lindsay Arnold
Argentine tango, “I Want You Back” by *NSYNC
Finally, FINALLY, Nick Carter gets to the heart of the matter and asks David outright: “*NSYNC or Backstreet?” This is intense stuff here, you guys! David answers correctly (Backstreet), but it doesn’t save his relatively low scores. Unfortunately, David’s hit a bit of a wall this week. He’s frustrated with himself for not picking up the steps as quickly as he wants, and Carrie Ann mistakes David’s sexy face for grumpy. Aside from a lift that almost goes wrong though, David seems to get into the character of the dance. The judges are much more scarred by David almost dropping Lindsay than either of those actually involved. They applaud the traditional Argentine tango, but they miss David’s joy.
Judges’ Score: 29/40

Rashad Jennings and Emma Slater
Tango, “Reach Out, I’ll Be There” by The Four Tops
Typically Disney World is the happiest place on earth, but as Rashad and Emma discovered last week, that doesn’t always translate to Disney Night on the ballroom floor. They toppled down the leader board, and neither of them is happy about it. Rashad has a lot going on, what with waiting to hear if he’ll be picked up by an NFL team for the season, so the pressure is on from all fronts. Apparently, pressure works for the guy. Also: glitter blazer. Rashad can rock a glitter blazer like no one’s business. His Motown-themed tango is pretty good, too. Len loves his attack, and Carrie Ann welcomes back his ability to dance with both style and technique. Rashad is back, baby!
Judges’ Score: 37/40

Heather Morris and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Rumba, “Waterfalls” by TLC
Alan is great and all, but does anyone really compare to Maks? He’s back and he’s ready to… rumba. He’s also ready to get Heather some long-awaited 10s. YOU GUYS. By the time Heather goes into her first gorgeous split, I had chills. It is as if Maks had never left — their chemistry and partner work is on point. Carrie Ann calls it stunning. Len can’t get enough of Heather’s leg action and variety in rumba movement. Nick names it his favorite of the night. Bruno is somewhere drooling. There’s nothing but 10s on the menu. Oh Maks, you were missed.
Judges’ Score: 40/40

TEAM DANCE ROUND

Team Boy Band
The boys know they’re the underdogs in this match-up. In fact, after last week, the four couples in Team Boy Band occupy the four lowest slots on the leader board. So technique alone isn’t going to win this for them. It’s all personality and body rolls. So many body rolls! Personally, I’m partial to the glitter blazer Jackson 5 portion, but obviously Carrie Ann and most of the crowd are in it for the New Kids on the Block chair dancing. The heart wants what the heart wants. The routine is entertaining and plays to Rashad, David, Nick, and Bonner’s strengths. What more could you want?
Judges’ Score: 33/40

Team Girl Group
The remaining ladies: Normani, Heather, Simone, and Nancy, know they top the boys in dancing ability, but whereas none of the boys had trouble getting in touch with their sexy sides, some of the gals do. Simone even asks Normani advice on how to not make all the touching so uncomfortable, and Normani informs us all — including Val — that it’s all acting. Unfortunately, the girls’ night out routine is a little underwhelming. Of course, “underwhelming” for these four still scores higher than the boys. Maybe blame the less-than-empowering number on the fact that prior to dancing, the ladies were all informed that they were in jeopardy this evening. Or maybe the guys just had the — ahem — right stuff tonight.
Judges’ Score: 34/40

As mentioned, all four of our female celebrities are put into jeopardy (this is a travesty). In the end Heather and Maks are eliminated. Here’s one recapper’s hard-hitting journalistic take on the whole thing : NOOOOOOOOO.

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